What Do I Want

Recently, I watched the movie The Women with Eva Mendes, Meg Ryan, and a great cast ensemble. A question that Meg Ryan’s character faces when her marriage falls apart is… What Do I Want?

She then starts a vision board of the interests she had but never pursued, words of inspirations, and photos of the things most important to her, like a picture with her daughter and with her friends.

The Women - Vision Board - Movie Still
Mary’s (Meg Ryan) Vision Board from The Women (2008)
My Vision

This in turn got me to thinking about the vision I created for my life during a class I took months ago. We were not to consider reality, but just picture our lives the way we wanted them to be five years from now. If we could do anything, what would we do? If we could be anywhere, where would we be? Then, with a set vision, those things should be attainable.


The most important parts of my vision are things I consider the foundation – family and health. Without family and love, I would not have the support and inspiration to follow my dreams, and without good health, I would not have the strength. These two parts are definitely heading in the right direction, especially in terms of family & love since I will be marrying my soulmate in just 95 days.

The following are the personal interests that I had written about, and how they are progressing.


I picture myself with a camera in hand everywhere I go, taking photos of things at random. I have been taking hoards of pictures, true to form, but I still find myself in situations where I want to photography something so much, but have no equipment on me. That is something easily fixed with a bigger purse.


I have a tremendous amount of ideas, and even plenty of supplies, for scrapbooks galore. I haven’t made one since making the ones for my grandmother, which weren’t anything fancy as she couldn’t hold the large sized or heavy books. Since making those, I have jotted down ideas for many more, including the most recent for my engagement photos, puppy photos, and more. All I need to do to get started is to get the office organized and in shape, and make the time.


My sketching skills are iffy, at best, except when it comes to cartoon characters. To solve that issue, I envisioned a ceiling mounted projector that I could project my photographs onto a canvas, and paint on top of the projected images. Now all I need is the projector.


I have a collection of writing from the last decade. Ultimately, I want to compile it all and start entering select poems or collections to various contests for publication. I have purchased the Poet’s Market for several years, and still have yet to enter anything. Also, as of late, I have had a creative writing block the size of the Hoover Dam.


This is probably one of the things I have made the most progress on, as I have started and maintained this blog since the end of May. I have come to realize that writing comes to a halt when other things are troubling me that I cannot write about, and that I am much happier when I devote time to things other than just sitting on the computer all day. But I still enjoy writing, and sharing my photography, which I will continue to do in this blog. I also have ideas for another more artistic/creative blog, and a blog on blogging tips, but those are on hold until more time is available.


Tennis was only mentioned once in my vision, in a list of things I would do to stay physically fit. I am much more involved in it now than, as I am a part of my first tennis league (NTRP 2.5), and I play probably 3 – 4 times a week. This is really the only sport I have ever played seriously in my life, and it is coming along quite well, considering I have only two lessons under my belt.


Ever since watching Dancing with the Stars, I had this fantasy of doing ballroom dancing, which seemed so athletic, coordinated, graceful, and other things that did not seem within my range of abilities. Then I met the love of my life, who also happens to be a ballroom dance teacher. It seemed like a sign that maybe I could do this after all.

Dancing With the Stars Tour 2008 - Alec Mazo Edyta Sliwinska
Photo by Arrye, Ethan & John

Initially when I started lessons, I pictured us doing the competitions, having these wonderful photos and videos of us gliding across a dance floor. After four months of lessons, and then a month long hiatus, this part of my vision proved to be the most difficult, but also the one most desired. Most of the things I have learned in life I have been able to learn on my own, in my own way, and those things have been purely mental exercise, not physical. Dance incorporates both in ways that my brain and body have never had to connect before. Plus I have never been much for fine tuning and technique, both of which are essential.

We are currently focusing on our wedding dance which will be absolutely amazing. Watching him choreograph movements to the song we chose was one of the most wonderful things I have seen, and it reminded me why I enjoyed watching dance in the first place. More than the physical technicalities, I see dance as something beautiful, artistic, and with him, an expression of romance.


But what happens when reality does come into play? When there are obstacles that seem impossible to overcome, no matter how much we dream or persevere? When adversaries that are not in our power to control, like a crumbling economy, step in the way? When parts of our vision involve those whose vision has changed? When the work needed for one aspect takes so much time that there is little left for the rest? These are some questions that have developed in the months since creating my vision. One of my resolutions for the year is to work on the solutions.

Using Demotivators Posters to Find Motivation

For the most part, I am a very positive minded person. But I think everyone has days where things just seem demotivating. Instead of fighting it today, I am going to embrace it with somewhat humorous Demotivators posters from Despair.com.

Achievement Demotivators Poster

There are so many things I want to achieve right now, including three more blogs, but I have no expendable labor. Just myself. And that resource is being fully consumed.

Burnout Demotivators Poster

When you realize the time you have daily is less than the time you need to accomplish all of the things you want to get done.

Challenges Demotivators Poster

Seriously, what happened to the little things working out? Like when I finally have the time to run up to the place to reserve the site for our wedding, and I get there to find out they are closed for the day.

Delusions Demotivators Poster

I feel like I’m at a plateau. Things I want learn and be good at so badly do not seem to be going well. It leaves me feeling like I should re-evaluate my goals to see if they are more delusional (in terms of time I have to work on them) than realistic.

Do It Later Demotivators Poster

In an attempt to get some things under control, I put other things off. The early bird has seemingly gotten a lot of the worms I needed.

Get To Work Demotivators Poster

This is definitely something I need to do. Get to work on my outstanding projects, finish unpacking, start my yoga again, wedding planning and so forth.

Limitations Demotivators Poster

I just threw this one on here because I love penguins.

Madness Demotivators Poster

That voice has been the never ending to do list. It feels like no matter where I am, what I am doing, I am always thinking of the next thing I need to do. It can be maddening.

Pressure Demotivators Poster

A basket case – that is exactly what I have felt like on and off for the past few weeks. And I don’t particularly care for being that way!

So today, by allowing myself to finally accept the fact that yes, I am demotivated, I have found source of my demotivation – time. I just need to get organized – get a routine back in place like I had months ago, and plot out a schedule of time to do all the things I want and need to do. Then I will be back on track and motivated again.


Roger Federer US Open Champion 2008 with TrophyThe US Open 2008 has come to a close, and I am so excited to see Roger Federer come out on top. Not only is he a brilliant player with excellent footwork going into his shots, but he’s also a Goodwill Ambassador, involved in many charities, and quite entertaining as well. Federer have been ranked #1 going into the US Open if he had not battled a case of mononucleosis this year which affected his play. Despite that, he still went to many tournaments and the Olympics in Beijing and put forth his best effort, which paid off in the end with his 5th US Open Championship.

While watching the match last night, Jason made a great comment. In the second set, one of the line judges missed the fact that one of Federer’s shots had went out of bounds, and although Murray did not challenge, he was visibly frustrated about the call not being made, considering he would have won that game. One of the commentators then went on and on about how the challenge system was not working the way it should, when effectively, without the computer-generated review, no one would have known and the situation would have turned out the same. At this, Jason said that in baseball, there are times that balls should be strikes, or strikes should be balls. It is out of the player’s control when things like that happen. But what really counts is how they come out of it – how they shake it off and play after the fact.

That can be applied to all areas of life. Things are going to happen that do not fit according to plan, are not fair and are out of our control. We can come to a complete stop, sulk, get angry, whine and so on. It takes a lot of work to tell ourselves to shake those kinds of things off. But we can keep going, doing the best we can with the circumstances dealt to us. We can practice this in simple ways, such as saying we will have a good day regardless of the fact that we got up on the wrong side of the bed that morning. We can not let one thing going wrong overshadow the rest of things that have the greatest potential of going right.